


Walled In

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Bottom Eren Yeager, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Top Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-23
Updated: 2014-07-20
Packaged: 2018-01-09 17:44:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1148970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren is handed over to the military police for testing after his trial goes awry. His mental health is pushed to the brink of shattering when corporal Levi shows up- but why is he of all people, here?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Don't Touch Me

**Author's Note:**

> So sorry, guys. First work on AO3 and it's totally unbeta-d. Rated T for obvious reasons, but there are some no-no words in here so if you're not comfortable with that there's a very good reason not to read this bye. I haven't written in a while and I sort of jammed this out in a write-or-die session so be warned. No smut yet, but probs in later chapters.

The room was more than dark- it was oppressive. The only source of light came from the hallway outside of it, casting a dull light that seemed to create for shadows than illumination. If he looked at it for too long it seemed as if the flames from the lanterns were getting smaller and smaller, and the darkness growing. Moving closer. He could almost feel the smooth tendrils of night as they reached out to drape themselves over him. He could feel the blanket press down on him suffocate can't breathe where am I oh god not again-

He was going to be okay, he reminded himself. This was just part of a trial. It was all resting on whether or not he would be able to make it through this without reverting to his titan form. He could do this, there was no doubt about it. But as another fit of wracking coughs hit his body, the boy doubted that he really could. If the torture- that's what it was, really- wasn't enough, they had decided to see how long he could go without food now. God damn military police were fucking everything up for him. There was some part of him left that still found the irony in that statement, that the government and organizations that he had once wanted to be a part of were now doing whatever this was to him.

Eren gripped his arms tightly. He clung to himself like he was falling apart, his insides threatening to spill out if he let go. There were no marks, of course, on the outside. His titan powers kept that from happening. But his innards were shifting around inside of him and he could literally feel his ribs trying to put themselves back together again from what had happened today. Plus, there was no washing off that feeling of guilt and impurity after being told all day that he deserved this that he wanted this that this was what was best for him and that he should be grateful they were even giving him the time of day

He wished they weren't.

His gut wrenched again, and he could feel the empty convulsions that came with dry heaving shower again through his body, nothing left to give up to the unforgiving cell. While this happened, a shadow fell across the room. He brought his head up wearily, eyes dull and dim with disinterest. They were  done for the day, weren't they? They had told him that they were done. This last week had been awful, but they had always picked a point to stop and then they had held to their word on it. But then again, he couldn't really expect them to be decent like that. He couldn't expect t hem to hold to anything they said. They said that he could have been one of humanities finest. His friends had said that they would stick with him through the end, but once they found out what he really was- well, he didn't see them now.

He would have spat, fighting back like he did in the beginning, but he didn't have the strength to any more. The figure standing in the doorway was immediately recognizable. After all, hadn't Eren looked up to this man, admired him, for years? His entire childhood was spent chasing after Captain Levi, and just once wishing that he could have that kind of reputation. That kind of strength against the titans.

"Eren," The captain said. It wasn't a question, not a roll call; it was simply a statement. There was an undertone of disbelief in it, but he supposed that there would have to be. Eren wondered briefly what he looked like, and then wondered again why he cared. Maybe because he didn't want this to be happening, because he knew what it meant when someone new showed up in front of his cell. It meant that something new was going to happen, and it was going to be something even more thoroughly unpleasant than what had come before. Maybe he didn't want to be seen in his state by his childhood role model, not because of the shame it brought, but because there was a certain amount of debasement that he would have of Levi once the captain had his way with him. He wanted to continue to hold this man on the pedestal that Eren felt he belonged on, and that was going to be impossible if he correctly guessed what was about to happen.

"We have court orders to bring you to the scouting head quarters, where we'll look after you until further notice." Eren had heard that one before, spewed from the mouths of lying men who wanted nothing more than to look after him in all the wrong ways. It was horrifying, knowing exactly what was going to happen and having no way at all to stop it from coming true.

And the worst part was that Levi was the one who had started it all, come to think of it.

That day in court, Levi had been the one to set the example by punching him around, using him to prove a point that the judge didn't approve of. So many people had used him since then that he didn't think it was worth thinking about before, but really, if he were to assign blame...No, if he were to assign blame it would be on the ones who carried out the order to have him put down here. There was still a hint of reason in his pain-numbed mind that told him that Levi was a force for good. Up to a point. All men were good up to a point- Levi's point was just farther along the scale than others, he decided.

"I'm going to open the door now. Don't move. We have an entire squad waiting to restrain you." Levi's voice was unshakeable. It held about the amount of pity in it that it did for the titans he slaughtered on a regular basis. Move? Eren thought, his chuckle coming out more like a whimper. He couldn't move if he tried. His left leg was shattered, he was pretty sure, and he could barely sit without a throbbing pain pounding through his backside. All he could do was clutch tighter into himself and let his nails make little crescents into his arms.

The door to the cell swung open with an empty clang. Levi stepped inside.

Eren whimpered again, and found himself turning further away from the door. He felt like an insect under a microscope, judged and observed and oddly violated without being so much as touched. Levi's eyes raked over him, and Eren could almost hear the thoughts going through his head. How pathetic he must look, with his clothes ragged and stained with blood and more things that he didn't want to think about. His eyes, once bright glittering green, were now dull and tired. Heavy bags hung under them, dark half moons against his sunlight deprived pale skin. 

There were no visible bruises, but there was something about the way that his leg twisted that clued Levi in more than anything else, to what he had gone through. Eren had no blanket to wrap around himself on the thin cot. His arms just weren't enough to hide his frail form. Why couldn't he just disappear? Stop existing? It would make it so much easier for everyone. Even corporal Levi.

"Eren?" This time it was a question. Despite himself Eren felt himself responding to the man's proximity.

Levi gently took Eren's chin in his hands and turned his face towards him so that he was looking directly into his dark eyes. His eyebrows were tilted up slightly, more expressive than he had ever seen them. Vaguely, somewhere in him in a place that still registered stimuli around him, he noticed that this was the most expression he had ever seen the scouting head show, beside annoyance. Even now he almost expected some form of abuse to come out of his mouth, and just confirm everything that he feared.

"Don't-" Eren's voice cracked. His throat was drier than he had thought it was. They hadn't given him water either, of course. It was all for the sake of science. He hated science. "Don't touch me."

His voice came out as a rasp, but it was audible enough for Levi to hear it and start back, if only a little. As an afterthought, the boy added a broken, "Please."

For a minute, a heavy silence hung over the cell, and he feared that Levi was going to laugh at him. Call him naive. Ask him if he really thought that this would stop him from taking the last of his dignity, and ridding him of whatever pride he still had left. That's what the others would have done. But he wouldn't have asked the others to stop. He knew it wouldn't do anything with them, and that's why he could feel himself crumble as he watched Levi with eyes like a cornered deer. He had exposed himself with the expectation of kindness and now he was going to pay. The man would taunt him while he debased him. He would laugh as he drove yet another hot poker through his skin. And all the while, he would know that Eren was the most pathetic creature inside the walls. Eren had opened himself up to that.

Levi bent down, and despite his stature, managed somehow to scoop Eren up into an almost comfortable hold. Despite the obvious malnourishment that showed on his body, the teen was a good deal taller than the corporal. You wouldn’t have been able to tell by the way he carried him; years of titan hunting had apparently done a number on his physique.

The boy cringed away from the touch, curling weakly away. Levi grunted and just held on as the boy tried weakly to get away, to no avail. “Shit,” he muttered, looking away. “Worse than I thought."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! If you're interested in beta-ing, I'd be super grateful! Send me a message on my tumblr (flippity-hi.tumblr.com) or on AO3 or something!


	2. Honestly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren wakes up in the healing ward of the survey corps' headquarters. The first thing he notices, of course, is that nothing hurts. It's warm. It's bright. It's quiet, but not silent. And Corporal Levi is there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was supposed to take a week. It took three. I'll try to be better at updating from now on! Sorry guys.

Eren didn't know what he was looking at when he woke up. The first thing he noticed, of course, was that nothing hurt. Literally nothing- that hadn't been true for longer than he could seem to remember. His leg was suspended above him in a sling, but there wasn't even the dull throb of healing pounding through it. He was perfectly healthy, physically. 

Besides that, in the order that he noticed them. It was warm. It was bright. It was quiet, but not silent. His ears strained to catch the murmured conversation that seemed just out of his reach, but it slipped away every time he tried to grasp it. Frustrated, but oddly content with his surroundings, Eren struggled to sit up.

Apparently, he couldn't. It wasn't that he was too weak to, though that ought to have had something to do with it. Eren found it like there was a weight pressing down to either arm that he hadn't noticed earlier because he hadn't been moving. He was chained down.

Shit- he knew that this had been too good to be true. Was there any point in struggling? And why had they let him heal before bringing him back? A thousand questions at once circled through his mind, each flying out unanswered as another clamored to get themselves noticed instead. All in all it was the makings of an excellent headache, and Eren could feel himself beginning to sink back into the coma-like state that he had been in for however long it had been since he had woken up. There was no one in the room with him- he figured he ought to enjoy it while he still could.

It was the little things. And these days, the only things that he got. If he didn't appreciate these little moments, which would have been a given just weeks ago, he would be left with nothing. And yet, he could feel fears resurfacing even as he began to drift off again. 

He couldn't have said how much time he spent like that, trying fruitlessly to rid himself of enough worries just to go to sleep, to pass out and escape. His mind had always been restless, but he had blamed that on the nightmares of Titans that had plagued him since he was a kid. Now images of nightmares flashed under closed eyelids once more, but they weren't so much dreams as reality. Faceless figures ripping apart his sanity and purity and god he was so filthy no one would ever want to talk to him ever again after this he'd never escape it because people would be able to tell and just smell it on him no one would ever want him again he was _broken_

Despite the restraints holding him down, he felt himself begin to struggle. It was more noticing that he was doing it rather than consciously engaging in the action. he couldn't let all of it happen all over again he was alone this was his chance- he could escape. 

Every jerky movement of his arms left him more and more breathless, made the pressure pushing down on his wrists increase. The cuffs binding them to the sides of the bed tightened and tightened until Eren felt a surprisingly soft hand placed on his chest. It held him down enough that he couldn't move, but didn't impede his breathing. 

Levi had seen the look on Eren's face before in cornered animals before. He had seen it in the rolling eyes of a crazed horse, the haunted fervor of base instinct taking over. The teen kicked and thrashed on the small cot. It almost pained the man to keep his ward from moving, but he reminded himself that it was for the boy's good. God knew that he didn't need things to be made harder for him. 

"Moving will make the cuffs tighter. I didn't ask for them, but they were one of the conditions of getting you back. And evidently, they may not have been entirely unnecessary," Levi spoke softly, not wanting to upset Eren more than he already was. And even though he wasn't tall, once he was sure that the boy wouldn't hurt himself, he crouched down next to the bed so that he wouldn't tower over the boy. 

Slowly Eren came back to his senses as it registered that nothing was happening to him. Nothing was coming to get him, and Levi was trying to calm him down. Right. Levi. The events of the night before came swimming back to the teen, and he eyed the man warily. He was tied down- he couldn't do anything if the corporal decided to try something. But why would he have been brought here if that was all that he wanted? Maybe it was the survey corps equivalent of the military police's Hotel. 

A sudden urge to vomit came upon the boy, and he twisted to the side before dry heaving. Nothing came out, but the boy wasn't surprised. It had been a while since he had something solid to eat. Or really, anything- solids be damned. 

"...Where?" Eren managed to slur out after a second, his parched throat croaking at the word.

Levi raised an eyebrow and regarded the sight before him before holding up a finger, saying to wait. "You're at the Survey Corps' headquarters inside wall Rose. Hold on for a second." 

The captain turned, his green cloak turning behind him. It occurred to Eren that he kind of looked like one of the fish he had seen in a pond as a child. It had been small and pale, but had the most lovely tail he had ever seen. It billowed out behind it every time it turned and swept over almost a larger area than the fish itself. He had called Mikasa to come and look at it, but she had only commented on the fact that it was too small to be edible. Good old practical Mikasa, always ready to bring him back to earth.

He hadn't seen his friends, at least, since this ordeal began. Although he doubted that they wanted to talk to him now that they knew the truth about what he was and what he had done, at least they hadn't been with the military police. He wouldn't have been able to handle that kind of betrayal. 

And yet, he still might have to. If there was anything he had learned from these last couple of weeks it was not to get his hopes up. 

Levi padded softly back into the room, his small feet quiet as ever on the sun warmed stone tiles. 

This left Eren alone with his thoughts, and though he was grateful for being left alone, he couldn't help but want Levi back in the room with him. It was odd, this sort of masochism. The wondering of how long it would take for Levi to show his true colors, wonder when the game would be up. But in the mean time he wanted to enjoy the illusion of comfort and safety. 

All too soon, and not soon enough, the corporal made his way back into the room, this time with something sloshing. Eren watched warily, craning up his neck the best he could with the restraints.

It looked as if the man had a bucket in one hand, not unlike ones he had seen people use for mopping. He couldn't see what was in the other hand, but realized when the corporal set it down with a clink on the bedside table that it was a metal cup. 

The teen felt Levi's hand on his arm. He jerked at the touch, hopes that he had unconsciously building crashing down once more. It was amazing how easy it was to lose track and control of his own emotions- something he thought he had mastered by now. But evidently- he had not.

"Shit." Levi pulled his hand back, letting it hang down by his side like it was something disgusting, like he wanted to get it as far away from himself as he physically could. After all, it had touched Eren- wouldn't that be reason enough for it to be repulsive? He was contaminated, and there was no doubt that the corporal knew it. He could tell from the look in his eyes, one mixed of pity and hatred. He had seen it before. This situation he happened before.

"I...you can't drink the water lying down," the frustration evident in his voice was evident, and the statement surprised Eren. It was far more innocent than anything else he had expected to come out of his mouth. Scowling, Levi cast his eyes away from the boy's face. "I'll have to undo your wrists for a moment so that you can sit up." As an afterthought, he added, "I won't touch you. There's no need to worry. You're...you're safe." The last bit sounded remarkably pained- apparently even someone who dealt with unbelievable amounts of pain and gore on a daily basis couldn't bear being in the same room as someone as tainted as Eren. 

He decided that it was better to just go along with whatever was going on. It was just...easier. The teen waited as patiently as he could while Levi removed the bonds securing his wrists. 

The corporal couldn't help but notice how the muscles in Eren's entire body clenched as he got closer. There had to be something that he could do. Something to let him know that he was safe, that nothing was going to happen to him while the survey corps had him. What had they done to him? This was all that was left of Eren, the fiery, confident young recruit that he had heard so much about from Erwin. He had been told of the boy's potential even before the Trost incident. 

This couldn't be the same boy. This boy was scared of contact. This boy had sunken cheeks and his green eyes were without the light of life. This boy breathed shallowly when he slipped and brushed his finger against his skin while untying him. This boy's spirit had been broken. 

"Crap, sorry," he muttered as he moved around to the other side of the bed.

The boy sat up as soon as his arms were free, fighting against the tiredness straining against his movement. Even though he wasn't exactly pained, there was definitely a weariness perpetrating throughout his muscles that came with healing, and maybe just a lack of use. Levi placed the cup on the bedside table and watched disapprovingly as the recruit gulped it down. There would be no use in warning him not to drink so quickly- he knew that. In preparation he grabbed a bucket from the corner of the room, not wanting to clean the throw-up that was coming off the floor.

This was a healing ward, after all. And Eren needed all the healing he could get.

Levi sighed as a stream of liquid entirely missed the bucket and sprayed along the floor. Eren's eyes found his, wide and wild with a strained apology. His freed fists were clenched and trembling, like he was getting ready to fight back against an imaginary enemy. The kid was terrified of him, and he hadn't even sworn at him yet or anything.

If he were still a soldier, there would be no way he could survive. Not like this. And sleeping in a barracks filled with other troops? Forget it. He had cried out enough in his sleep to wake Hanji, who slept like a rock. They'd said that he tossed and turned all night. Nightmares, every day. 

Levi shuddered, noting the wariness still displayed in Eren's eyes. Whatever he'd been through, it had been hell. And that came from a guy who faced hell as a day job. And although curiosity was burning in his gut, way too intense for it to be appropriate, he couldn't ask what happened. It would be unreasonable to expect him to be able to answer that in his condition. Honestly, it was a miracle the kid was already healed so well. Hanji guessed that it was something to do with his titan shifting powers.

He pulled the chair sitting next to the bed up, careful not to get too close to the still anxious-looking boy. Picking good words wasn't really his forte. Why had Erwin picked him for this goddamn thing? Levi wasn't known for his extreme amount of diplomacy, or way with words. It wasn't that he was a bad person, it was just that he had trouble with expressing it. His affection tended to come out in weird ways. 

So he had made a checklist of what he was supposed to tell the boy. Remembering it now, it seemed lacking of emotion. It was a briefing, more than an explanation. But maybe that was what Eren needed right now- a lack of emotion. It looked like he had had enough to last a lifetime. 

"First off, I'd like to introduce myself," he said. Levi spoke slowly, giving the boy time to absorb what he was saying. "I'm corporal Levi, from th-"

"I-I know who you...are." 

Eren's voice was cracked and shaky from lack of use (or from shouting in his sleep, Levi did not know). Still, a bit of his old spirit showed through in his voice. 

"That makes things easier. I know who you are, you know who I am. You're Eren Jaeger, previously of the 104th regiment. You're under the custody of the survey corps, the one you had elected to join if you recall. Although we're not sure exactly what you are, you are known to have a titan form." Levi rattled off the information that had been given to him. Memorization and recitation was easy, and so was presenting if the person you were presenting to was absolutely rapt. No need to get his attention. 

Eren was desperate for information and it showed. His eyes were concentrated to a point just to the left of Levi's head. They didn't like when he made eye contact with them. They just wanted someone submissive enough to make them happy. No eye contact, and above all, no talking. He had already broken rule one. Now his body stood rigid at attention, flooded with both military memories of how to stand when an officer was addressing him, as well as a large degree of fear. While he was frantic to figure out what was going on, he was also determined not to show his abject terror triggered just by being in the same room with someone he didn't know beyond a name. 

Continuing on, Levi said, "This is the survey corps headquarters just inside of wall Rose. More specifically, you're in the health ward. Most of the people around here call it the LLC, so if you hear that keep in mind what they're referring to." 

"Why am I here?" Eren finally got up the courage to rasp. His voice sounded without pitch- it was more of a deadpan than a question. He hadn't been punished for his previous mishap, so maybe Levi was one of the ones that didn't care about that rule. Wanted to keep up the pretense that it was all well and good. His eyes darted towards Levi's and noted the dark color before flitting away again. He wished that he could get a good look at the man, but there had been no chance to do so without being blatantly obvious. "What happened to the...military police?" 

"Erwin and I argued your case in court. We won the right to conditional custody of you, though we had to pull some strings to get you out here. But if you turn into a titan while you're here, we have to send you back."

He felt his stomach drop. No no no no no no no no they weren't allowed to send him back if this was what he thought it was this was safer than it had been. He was warm and healthy and finally wearing something and god, he couldn't go back to them. No. 

Nodding curtly and forcing an even tone, he a sentence out. "Thank you for being honest with me." 

"Honesty is something you can always depend on from me. I need to know, right now, if it's something I can expect from you, as well." 

Eren nodded.

"Are you willing to give your life up for humanity, and for their causes? Are you willing to sacrifice everything you have in the fight against titans?"

"I already have, sir." 

Levi blanched slightly and his jaw involuntarily set. He was going to have a few choice words with the head of the military police. From what he had heard though, it wouldn't make a difference. Apparently the head had spearheaded the whole endeavor. Fucking politics made it impossible to assassinate the prick. 

"Are you human, or titan?"

Eren shrugged. "I only know what they tell me."

Levi paused. "What did they tell you, then?"

"Neither. I'm just a monster."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in non beta-related news, do you guys want like flashbacks to his time with the military police? I'm okay with writing them, but they'd definitely bump the rating up, and I don't want to stop people from reading if they don't want to read that kind of stuff. Also?? Smut in future chapters???
> 
> (If interested in beta-ing, leave a review of PM me or like message me on my tumblr- flippity-hi.tumblr.com- and yeah)


	3. Paperwork

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi seeks out Erwin- he needs to talk.

The door stood resolutely in front of Levi, daring him to knock. It was just like every other door in the entirety of the Survey Corps, except for the owner. Behind it was the only person that Levi might listen to, one of the people he would be happy to give his life for because he would know it was worthwhile. And that knowledge made him hesitate. Of all the people working here, sacrificing himself every day, the only one that he could see himself respecting as a superior was right there. 

That didn't intimidate him, not quite. No one really could do that to Levi- people just didn't have that ability at this point. Everyone was taller than him- that was nothing new- and there was a surefire knowledge lodged inside of him that he could kill all of them in a fair fight. That was what mainly mattered; strength of character and physical strength. Levi had both. So did Erwin. And that was what made him hesitant- being on equal standing as him. It threw off his balance in the best way possible. Erwin made him think, made him reconsider and reconsider again. Like he was now. Being around the commander was exhausting because of exactly this; the forethought that went into everything he said and did. 

Rolling his shoulders back, he placed his feet shoulder width apart, folded his left arm behind his back, and knocked. Erwin, coincidentally, was also the only one he would stand at attention for. 

Three sharp taps, that was all. He had to be expecting the corporal; after all, he had been the one that had sent for him. Levi ran his hand over the note wedged into his back pocket to confirm it was still there. It was something he did out of habit more than anything else. Reassured him that he was in the right place- double checking again. 

He returned his knocking arm to its designated position over his heart, folded in a salute. He was such a hard ass about getting the salute right to his trainees that there was no flaw in his. His feet were perfectly spaced to afford him balance, his arm behind his back ramrod straight, and there was a distinct pulsing under his right hand that gave the telltale thump of a heartbeat. Levi blinked to clear his thoughts, refocusing on the matter at hand. 

His throat felt inordinately dry all of a sudden. Levi swallowed nervously and licked his already chapped lips. Disadvantages of training outside during the winter. Unfortunately, titans didn't react to the cold in the same way that humans did. That meant drills in the weak winter sun, to his and his troops displeasure. 

Levi resisted the urge to tap his foot against the cold hardwood flooring. Erwin was never late. He had never been before anyway, and he was a man of tradition. He was at his desk every morning at 7 AM and didn't move from there until his mid morning meeting with the representatives from the other corps. As schedules went, Erwin's was the most predictable from day to day. And as a corporal, it was Levi's job to keep track of it. 

After 30 seconds had passed- exactly 30, if Levi had been bothering to keep count- a distracted sounding voice called, "Come in." 

The man hadn't actually expected him to answer the door, but it was a relief to be able to drop the salute and reach towards the simple round door handle. Tension rolled out of him as he stood down. Somehow, he suspected that Erwin knew that would happen. Damn him. 

The tall, muscled man perched over his desk, pouring over paperwork. From the looks of the stacks next to him- neatly, as always- it was completely trivial. All the important memos came in clipped yellow packages. The room had several in the far corner, unaddressed envelopes sitting next to them. Levi raised his eyebrows at the sight, but returned his face to a careful neutral as he watched Erwin. 

Though the commander treated them all as equals in general, it was hard to forget that he was technically all of their superiors, being an officer. Because of this, Levi had to wait for him to acknowledge his presence in some way. Proper procedure and all. 

Erwin didn't appear to be even close to done with the meaningless legalities that were probably most of his work, so Levi let his eyes wander around the room. It was well organized, but not overly clean. Erwin was a man who flourished in clutter. Organized madness was his optimum working environment, whereas Levi much preferred total organization. Dust- anything really- was enough to set him off on one of his infamous cleaning sprees. And as the rookies knew, that was never a good thing.

Erwin saw a certain pattern, he was sure, in all of this disorganization. It made him twitchy whenever he came into the office, though. He just felt the urge to fix it all and it killed him not to be able to. He didn't feel his expression fall into his de facto scowl, but knew that it must be there. 

"Levi." 

The corporal's eyes snapped back to look dead straight again. Erwin had pushed back his chair and sat up tall, his blue eyes outlined by heavy halfmoon bags. For a second, Levi regretted coming to see him this late- most officers were already home by now- but this was urgent. 

"Erwin." Levi nodded to his superior, but did not let his rigid posture relax. 

"Please, sit down," Erwin gestured to one of the two chairs pulled up in front of his desk. There was no request in his statement. It was dryly uttered, and more of a formality than anything. Still, as Levi eased down onto the chair, he caught the commander's lips twitching into a half smile. Perhaps it wasn't an entirely wrong time to come. 

Levi sprawled over the overstuffed green chair. It was a worn old thing that looked like it had seen better days, but then, so had the survey corps. As it went, Erwin's office was pretty fancy; it was an accumulation of tons of shit that had piled up over the years.

"So, Levi," Erwin said, letting his name draw out. He liked to take his time- he always eventually gave you what you want, but damn did you have to work for it. "What brings you here at this rather unfortunately late hour?"

Levi sighed, his scowl deepening. "Cut the shit, _commander_. You know very well what I'm here about." 

The man's lips flickered up into a small smile and he leaned forwards across the desk. His hands were clasped in front of him, and his thumb moved slowly across his other hand as if in thought. Despite his relaxed appearance, his eyes gleamed like polished stones and Levi could have sworn he could see the cogs turning behind them. 

Levi tried to frown, and found that he already was. Hanji was always bothering him about getting more expressions; maybe it was time to invest in something other than frowns. He balanced his face into a careful neutral and waited for Erwin to say something. He knew this game. 

"The boy, I assume?" 

"Eren," Levi corrected. 

"Yes, Eren. Interesting case. A titan shifter within our own walls, and a survivor of Shingashina to boot. We're lucky we could get him after what happened in court."

Levi cringed, brief flashes of the failed attempt to appeal to the judges rushing through his mind before he pushed them out. Goddamn justice system was just as corrupt as the government. It was supposed to be survey corps or death. Either one was basically capital punishment. But then the military police, lead by none other than the stoic hero Hessack, came in and stole him away. That fatass had taken him and told the judges that they'd put him to work and keep him out of trouble. 'Find out as much as we can about what he is,' they'd said. After seeing Eren, he had no doubts about how intimate the 'information' they'd gotten from him was. 

Somehow Levi had managed to lose him without ever having met him. And the knowledge of what that loss meant had already started to eat him up. He was used to that feeling, though. This was the survey corps, where grief and guilt were a more regular part of life than breathing. 

"What do you know?" Levi asked. 

"I know what you've told me, and a very little from the military police officers who delivered him. They were," he frowned. "Unhelpful, to say the least." 

"You should have killed them." 

That kind of statement anywhere else would have been a shock; something that makes a conversation die. Someone else would have looked at him like he needed to be locked up, but not Erwin. Life and death were one thing in their lifestyle. It was something they encountered more than they would have liked, but it was what it was. 

Erwin exhaled and raised an eyebrow, his gaze not moving from Levi's dark, unreadable eyes. "That bad? I suppose I could have, but the paper work that comes with that sort of thing..." he gestured to the surrounding papers, many of them notices of decease sent to family members of soldiers killed in action. "I need to know what happened, if for reports if nothing else. If his mental state is fragile," Erwin paused as Levi gave a snort, "I have to know. It's our job to make sure he's under control, and it sounds like we can't afford to give that back to the Military Police."

"You're right."

"I usually am," Erwin narrowed his eyes. 

"We can't give him back."

"You're awfully protective of this boy- he's not even a fully initiated member of any corps other than the trainee one at this point. He's not even a rookie yet."

Levi said nothing, but stared pointedly at the commander, challenging him to say more on the topic. Erwin raised his hands in defeat, easing back into his chair and making it clear with his posture that he wasn't about to push it on this. He said nothing, knowing that Levi was composing his thoughts. And so they waited in a silence that stretched for almost a full minute before the squad leader spoke.

"The Military Police were not taking into account anything they said in court," he began. "They did not protect him, nor did they have any intent, it is my belief, to learn anything about him. They sought him out with the idea that he was a monster and abused him as much. What they did to him definitely counts as torture, in my opinion."

"I had guessed that much. He wasn't even councious when we brought him in. I got a medical run down from Hanji. What I'm concerned about is his stability," Erwin replied.

"It's nonexistent. They destroyed him."

"Is he beyond therapy?" 

"Let me ask you something, Erwin. Have you ever seen anything like this before? Someone who's been raped not once, which does enough to a person as is, but probably hundreds of times, by an entire fucking military sector? Have you ever seen someone who's been abused so many times that they forget who they are?" Levi sighed, his eyebrows furrowing. "Because when that happens, people retreat inside themselves. They need to survive, and the only way they're going to do that is by pretending it's all happening to somebody else. And sometimes you can't come back from there. There are some days where you just...can't," Levi lowered his eyes so that he wouldn't have to look at Erwin's concerned expression. 

"He needs time, space, and his friends. He needs support, and a community, and he needs to avoid as much stress as possible. And considering the fact that half the wall thinks he's Sina reborn and half of them want him to burn makes that real easy," he deadpanned. 

 

Erwin seemed vaguely taken aback, which was unusual for him. He was a cold, conditioned man. He was the one who had found Levi and brought him in to the survey corps and helped to fix him. He was one of the only people who had assured him that he wasn't broken even on the days that he was and even then he had rarely seen him break his placid expression. 

Erwin seemed lost in thought, and Levi took the time to organize his thoughts. Outbursts like that tended to drain him emotionally; monosyllables were so much easier to communicate with. Where had all of that come from? There was no reason for him to sympathize so much with the brat- he had met him for a total of 10 waking minutes. Sure, he had watched over him once or twice while he slept and had just happened to notice how soft his hair looked, but they had never had a real conversation.

Was it empathy, less than sympathy? He didn't necessarily pity him, though he knew that he ought to. Eren had been through hell and survived it. Outside the wall was supposed to be hell, but people forget exactly what it is. Hell isn't a place, but an experience. Hell was watching your comrades die around you as you run for your life. Hell was feeling a little part of yourself die with every one of them- and hell was exactly what Eren had gone through, too. 

He respected him. To make it through that kind of experience totally unscarred was impossible. To make it through and not want to die was totally unlikely. Eren had managed to struggle through to words only minutes after waking up; that kind of fire and strength were respectable no matter what. And though he didn't pity the boy, whenever he thought about it for too long, he wanted to break someone's neck. He'd probably go out into the forest later and train to vent, or something. 

"What do you recommend for our course of action?" Erwin asked, and Levi wondered how long he had been thinking. Probably for longer than Erwin had. There was a reason the man was an officer. He was brilliant; no one denied it. 

"Let him recover. Don't let anyone mention titan shifting. Get him a therapist. Keep him away from everyone but his closest friends. Make sure that he's above all comfortable."

"I'll do my best. I value your council, but there were the conditions we made to get him. We'll have to start him on titan shifting eventually. We promised that we would teach him how to control it and use it for the sake of humanity," Erwin drawled. 

"Do it before his ready and I won't hesitate to kill you." Levi shot the challenge back without thinking, and immediately regretted it. He'd never actually kill the officer. He just hoped Erwin knew that. 

"Understood. You're dismissed, corporal." Erwin made as if to continue with his paperwork, shuffling a large stack next to him as he looked for a specific document. 

Levi stood stiffly and abruptly, narrowly avoiding unbalancing a precariously perched envelope marked 'MILITARY POLICE' and 'CONFIDENTIAL'. Of course there would be paperwork from those arrogant bastards. They wouldn't want to give up their plaything without a fight, and now they were throwing a hissy fit over it. Fuckers. 

He turned quickly on his heel and made for the door. 

"Levi." Erwin called as the corporal rested his hand on the door knob. "Don't get too attached."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so bad at updating holy crap. It's probably not getting better for a couple of weeks bc I have sports (gasp) that are taking up all my time. If anyone's interested in beta-ing give me a message. Don't forget to leave kudos and a review saying what you think! Any suggestions/questions/guesses what's going to happen?


	4. Unspoken Deals Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi and Eren have an unspoken deal not to speak. But dear God, is Eren bored.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thanks to my dear friend, (http://iburntthetoastbad.tumblr.com) for her help editing this because I'm really bad about those runon sentences. Every sentence is my child. Anyhow, I'm really bad at updating, so I went with a little bit of a longer chapter this time as a bit of an apology. OTL

Eren had imagined that he would find love one day; don't all kids? He imagined that he would be like his mother and father. He thought that he would have the familiar, friendly, love that came from trust and shared experiences, if not intense attraction. He didn't need the earth-rending, end all be all kind of love that some people fantasized. He didn't want to be star-crossed lovers: he wanted to be happy. 

When he was a kid, he had imagined the person he would love a hundred times over. Every time they took a different face (the irony in that wasn't lost on him, now) but they were all kind, and intelligent, and had the same fire that he had. They wanted to see the world and questioned it, and they were willing to fight for what they believed in- they had the best of Armin and Mikasa both. He had never once considered that he would never find that person. Now he wasn't sure if he wanted to. And even if he did, they probably wouldn't want him. 

It always came back to this. No matter what he was thinking about, it always came back to the last few days. His life would be separated into a before and after, he knew that. The before was tainted by the knowledge of what was to come, and the after was soiled by his past. It got into his every waking moment, seeping through the cracks in his defenses like tar. He couldn't shake the feeling of wrongness off of him, no matter what he did. None of his memories were pure any more. He couldn't see his childhood in the same light, now. Thinking about his parents had always driven him to do better, to fight harder, to train more efficiently. Now thinking what he always had, 'what would they say?' was the equivalent of driving a needle under his skin. 

What could he do about it, though? Eren was trapped alone with his thoughts. There was no one to talk to. Sometimes Levi came by with water and what passed for food (and frankly was the most delicious thing that Eren had ever tasted) and that was it. No one else came in to see him. Not even Armin or Mikasa. That hurt, but he didn't know whether he wanted them to see him like this. He was still recovering, even though it had been more than a week. He didn't even hurt any more, physically. The dull ache in his leg had faded away and eventually disappeared. Despite that, they had insisted on keeping it elevated and pumping him full of drugs.

Morphine was his favorite. It knocked him out well. He didn't have to think while he was sleeping, and even better it guaranteed him dreamless sleep. He insisted on getting drugs for sleep now simply because of that. The flashbacks and nightmares were too much to handle without them. It was bad enough that he was reliving them every day while he was awake and contemplating, but there was only a certain amount he could take and still remain sane. He was aware of the fact that he was monumentally fucked up, but he also knew that it was his fault. If he wasn't what he was- a shifter- then none of this would have happened. 

There he went, his thoughts circling around and around again. He hated it. All of this shit. Sitting around twiddling his thumbs without knowing what was going on in the outside world was making him even more anxious. How could they expect anything out of him when he couldn't so much as move without those stupid handcuffs pulling him down to the bed more tightly. 

He hated those particularly. Whose idea had they been? They were a reminder of how powerless he was to stop anything from happening to him now, how little control he could exert over his environment. It was humiliating, frankly, and he knew that was exactly why they had done it. They were a power display, and he didn't appreciate it. Honestly, if he was going to do something- if he could- he would have already. Did they really think that he was still dangerous? He couldn't make it through a night without fucking drugging himself and they were still afraid of him.

It was actually kind of funny, thinking about it. All these grownass men terrified of a 16 year old boy who was so broken he couldn't function like he had been trained to. Even in his drug-addled mind he knew that he would never be the same soldier he had been once; honestly, he wasn't sure that this wasn't going to fall through. There was still some part of him convinced that this was some kind of sick joke and that he would wake up with a military police uniform strewn across his bed. 

Eren was aware of his mind and how fucked up it was, how circular and unhealthy his thoughts were. The problem was that they wouldn't stop coming, no matter how much he knew about them. He could read a fucking psychology textbook and that still be screwed over by all of it. Could he help that every inch of him that they had touched felt polluted? He felt slimy and sticky and just not clean because he knew exactly what had went where except he didn't because he had lost track and he didn't know what scared him worse because it had happened so many fucking times that he couldn't even remember all of them and it would probably happen again and suddenly the room felt too small and all he wanted to do was run.

He could feel his muscles losing their hard-won strength as he sat on the bed, felt them wasting away as he did nothing. Eren did what he could, of course- he stretched a little and did some lying down exercises, but beyond craning his neck to see someone when they came in, he couldn't do much. If he could just throw himself into something, he was sure that he would get better. Or at least he could stop feeling so acutely. 

Training would help take his mind off of this. He could appreciate the burn in his muscles from running that was such a different burn than the one that had throbbed in his entire lower half the first time, and was so much better. He would know that he was accomplishing something. Productivity would allow him to escape off to a place where no one could touch him, not even his memories. 

But here he was, with his leg hoisted up and shackles binding him to the world he wanted to run away from. 

He wished that something would happen, though. He was starting to grow stir crazy- he just wasn’t sure what he wanted. Certainly not talking to more government officials. He had seen enough stars of rank to fill a galaxy. Was it some kind of compulsion that forced the military officers to show off their rank in the most flashy ways possible? They had worked hard to get where they were now- they were the ones who survived the outings into titan infested territory, and only a cocktail of luck and skill could get a soldier out of there alive, if what he had heard was right. 

It was the irony of it all that struck him. The commanders and sergeants and colonels were the ones who made it because they were good at killing titans, and as a reward they were taken out of the field. They were too good at what they did to be allowed to remain doing it. How backwards was that? It all had something to do with experience, he guessed, but having an experienced officer fight beside him was preferable to that going to waste in a dusty office somewhere. 

Annie would have enjoyed this particular train of thought. She wasn’t outspoken, but when you could get her talking she was the kind of person who really meant every word that she said. The girl made each one count, and he appreciated that. In contrast, Sasha had been all over the place. Her heart was in the kitchen and her mind in the gutter, like Connie used to say. 

Thinking about all the trainees, his friends, got him nostalgic. Again. He was going to go crazy at this rate. Not even slowly, any more. He probably spent twelve hours a day just sleeping, if not more. That was more than when he was working out and training every day. If he were able to get up and move, pace, hit his head against the wall repeatedly- whatever it took to alleviate the heavy boredom that sat pressing down on his temple. 

Could he count the cracks on the ceiling again? He knew exactly how many there were, but it was something to do. He had reached 14 when the door creaked open. 

Eren’s eyes immediately flickered over to the entry way with the speed awarded to him by boredom. He was like a coiled spring- he had been sitting still for so long that he was ready to explode. The slight action, slight interest wasn’t enough to let him spring. Just winding tighter. 

Levi’s now familiar frame slipped into the room and Eren felt himself give a sigh of relief. It wasn’t one of his friends. They were complicated right now, and frankly he didn’t want to deal with them. It wasn’t from lack of affection, it was from lack of clarity. Everything was hazy- from drugs, from the way the sunlight gave a fuzzy feel to the room, to the feeling that this was all unreal somehow. 

The lance corporal’s company was something he had come to get used to over the last week. It was always brief, and never demanding. He was quiet and small, but never nervous. He somehow managed to assert himself without having to say anything and Eren had come to accept his presence as he had the windows or sheets on his bed. Levi was unavoidable and constant. His comings and goings gave him a better idea of the time than the sunlight streaming in did, and they did some to occupy his mind. 

They didn’t talk. That was part of the unspoken deal. Levi brought food and water and Eren was grateful, but neither of them talked- not even about stupid little things: what they had done that day, the weather. He wasn’t sure what he would even talk about with someone like him. Titans? Their military history was the only thing they had in common that Eren knew of, and somehow he doubted that that made stimulating conversation. No, when he did talk with him, he wanted to be on equal footing. Not chained down like some sort of animal. They didn’t talk.

Which was why it was a surprise when Levi did. 

“How’s your leg?” The man leaned against the wall, one leg braced behind him and with his arms crossed squarely over his chest. 

Eren started- he honestly hadn’t been expecting Levi to say anything. His voice was lower than the he remembered, and it split the fuzzy silence that he had come accustomed to with all the precision that he had heard he possessed in battle. 

For a second, he didn’t say anything. It was like he had forgotten that he had to reply, had just processed the question as a statement, or something that didn’t require acknowledgement. When the realization that Levi actually expected an answer hit him, he felt a light flush that had nothing to do with Levi's words and everything to do with Eren's reaction, creep onto his face. How long had the quiet lasted? He had checked out at the worst possible moment, considering for the first time in a week something was actually happening. Sort of. 

“They’re uh-“ he stammered. “fine. I mean, they’re better. Good.” Conversation wasn’t something he would have considered to be a big deal before. He had little conversations like this every day. He had conversations about the weather, about titans, about dreams and hopes and desires and it was no big deal. But two sentences exchanged with a man he hardly knew was suddenly the event of the day. 

“I’m glad it’s fine, but what I’m asking is if it hurts.” As Eren was about to reply a negative, Levi cut him off. “And don’t give me soldier bullshit thinking this is a test. The medical team needs to know if there’s any pain to see if there was permanent damage.”

The shifter shook his head mutely, deciding that not talking was probably preferable to saying something stupid. Levi sighed lightly and brushed a stray strand of black hair out of his face. “That’s what I told them you’d say.”

He meandered over towards where Eren’s bed lay and propped himself by the end of it, his arms straight and hands gripping the bars on the end of the bed. Levi shifted on the balls of his feet, leaning forward a bit as he continued talking. “We don’t know much about your abilities, but fast healing is emerging as the front runner in terms of usefulness. We know you can turn into a titan, but fuck if that actually helps us with anything. Hanji’s going to have a field day with you, kid. You could shit and she’d tell you you were a genius.” The man seemed to be talking more to himself than to Eren, but maybe that was for the best. 

“Who’s Hanji?” Eren couldn’t help but ask. His voice was no longer cracked and parched, but somewhat rusty from lack of use. Whether or not the corporal was surprised that he had said something, or whether or not it actually registered to him didn’t show on his face. It was kind of creepy how unchanging his expression was. Vague displeasure and a sense of judgmental consideration.

Levi leaned back again. “According to me, Hanji is not a who, but a what. To everyone else she heads up the research department. To you she’s a squad leader and not someone you want to let near you with needles. She has this thing about titans. ‘S fucking weird.” He shifted again, this time removing his arms and walking to the side of Eren’s bed. Despite himself Eren felt himself tense up at the sudden presence.

Muttering something to himself, Levi stopped moving, if only for a minute, to assess his leg. The only signs he showed of his mental process was a tilt of his head to the right and drumming of his hand on his own leg. Eren couldn’t catch what he said in its entirety, but he managed to hear the words ‘dumbass’ and ‘medical team’. 

“Your leg looks fine to me. You heal quickly; you should be okay to take it down if you want to.” Eren blinked at Levi’s words. Although it was a statement, there was a question hidden in it of ‘Is it okay for me to take it down?’ and he was taken aback at the fact that the man was factoring his feelings into it. Real, actual feelings. He wasn’t sure if Levi had those, judging from the whole blank face thing.

It was less that he thought that Levi didn’t experience emotions, and more the fact that he wasn’t expecting coddling from a military man. They’d never had it at the barracks whenever one of them had unavoidably been injured from all the stupid crap they pulled during training. There it was get up back onto your feet and be grateful you still had two of them. 

He swallowed unconsciously and nodded once. “Yeah,” he managed to croak out. His body was still tense, he realized. And it was getting more and more so as Levi reached above his leg to work with the straps holding it in place. His spring was wound and wound and ready to explode, but he couldn't detonate here. He couldn’t detonate at all. One explosion and he was back in hell, or dead. He knew which one he preferred. 

 

"Are Mikasa and Armin around? They're recruits? Signed up probably around the same time that I-" 

Levi was looking at him curiously, his eyebrows drawn into their customary scowl. "I'm just wondering."

"They're around."

"Oh." 

Eren paused, his mind racing to come up with the right words to express what he was trying to. 

"Do you want them to come see you?" Levi inquired in a clipped, businesslike tone. 

"I-" What did he want? Did he want to see them, to have to hear their words of empty encouragement? He didn't even know what they would say; whether they would be quiet and sympathetic or ask him to talk about his feelings. Would they just act like nothing was wrong? He wasn't sure which of them was worse. Despite all of that, Eren felt himself missing their solid presences. Those two were the only things in his life that had been the same since he was a kid. They had been through everything together, and he wanted to be with them through this, too.

The problem was that although he wanted to see them, he wasn't sure he wanted them to see him. His eyes kept going rabbit-wide every time Levi got close to him, and he wasn't sure he wanted to be pushed around two people, when one was causing him this kind of reaction. He was sure that whatever happened, Mikasa and Armin would stick with him through it. He was just as sure that they would be worried. He didn't want to burden them with any of this any more than he could avoid. This was the best way to avoid that- by avoiding them. 

"Is there any way to see them without them seeing me?" The instant he said it, he knew that it sounded stupid. And he knew that Levi knew that as well. The man quirked an eyebrow up, but didn't comment on it.

"I don't think so, no. If you want to talk to them, I'm afraid it's got to be face to face." Levi frowned. "Although, I suppose you could write letters or something and get someone to carry them back and forth." Was Levi offering to do that? It seemed uncharacteristically kind, and it came as a bit of a shock. "Don't look at me like that, kid. I'm not going to be your shitty messenger. Ask one of the nurses next time they're doping you up." 

"They're not doping me up! It's just for sleeping," Eren protested.

"I've seen the doses they've been giving you. You've been downing enough morphine to tranquilize a titan." Before Eren could try to contradict him again, Levi's mouth twitched up into a half smile and he let the boy's leg fall to the bed with a dim thunk. "I get it. I mean, it's a pretty good setup. You get a steady stream of sleep shoved into your veins, you don't have to deal with anything. You get drugged into oblivion and the higher-ups don't have to worry about you going titan crazy in the LLC. Makes everyone's lives easier." 

Eren felt some of his strength beginning to return, between the blood rushing back into his leg and the fact that Levi was actually interesting. The little news he had received was more than he had dared hope. His friends were nearby, and apparently he was still a matter of concern to the higher ups. The second was something that he would rather not think about. He had hoped that they were starting to forget about him, but that was too much to expect. Eventually the would. Maybe.

"Is that possible?" 

Levi's eyebrows furrowed again, and his mouth turned downwards into a quizzical from. "Hm?"

"Can you really tranquilize a titan?" 

Eren caught the other man giving him a confused look, and noticing Eren's somewhat forced smile, chuckling. Of course it was a joke- did he look that stupid? It was a shadow of his old humor left behind, but it was definitely an attempt. Looking at the somewhat less annoyed face of Levi- his eyebrows weren't as angled and the corners of his lips were upturned in what might pass for a smile- he felt a surge of warmth go through him. Getting this kind of reaction from someone was what talking to people was about. He could make other people happy, even if he knew that he himself might never be that way again. 

"I don't think we've tried. I should suggest that to Hanji."

In a moment of brief bravery, Eren said, "You talk about her a lot. Are you guys together?" He wasn't exactly sure what compelled him to ask that, but he felt a need to know. His mind tried to rationalize to cover for it, but nothing was coming up. The question floated heavily above their heads. 

"Me and Hanji?" Levi looked incredulous, if that was the right word. All of his emotions were on a different scale than he would use with normal people. His face didn't show things as clearly as most, but years of reading Mikasa gave Eren some sort of experience when it came to the small twitches and narrowing of eyes that he was interpreting. Incredulous was the closest he could come to it. 

"No. No. No, we're not. We're really, really not. Ugh." He screwed up his nose, like even thinking about the prospect was disgusting. 

"Sorry, that was a personal question," Eren muttered, not making eye contact. He couldn't believe that he had just asked his superior such a stupid, frivolous question. It wasn't any of his business what Levi did in his free time. Whether he was in a relationship or not was something that Eren shouldn't have concerned himself with at all, especially considering his situation. "Isn't now around when you're supposed to bring food in silently and give me food?" He said, desperate to change the subject. He didn't want to say 'feed me' because acknowledging that would be giving up the shred of pride that he still had. 

Levi glanced down at the watch on his wrist, pausing briefly as he figured out the time. He'd been meaning to ask Erwin for a digital watch for weeks, but he was stuck with this freaking clock hand crap that took way too long to read. 

"Actually, yeah. I have a meeting to get to with the squad leaders. If you can make this fast, I think you've gone long enough without transforming that we can trust you not to go berserk if I take of the 'cuffs." He looked to Eren for acknowledgement, and the boy nodded silently. "You can feed yourself. It's awkward for me to do it anyway." 

He popped outside and brought the food in on a tray. The main event was a bowl of oatmeal. It smelled appetizing- like cinnamon- and it gave off the faint rising scent of baked apple. Next to it was some kind of chopped fruit, probably melon. It was better than anything he had had for the entirety of his stay with the military police. Thinking about it as Levi got closer, Eren resisted the urge to draw in towards himself and reshell. He wanted to pull his wrists away as soon as the man touched them in his attempts to unlock the handcuffs. 

With a quiet click, the first of the two came undone and Eren immediately pulled the hand up to his chest. It was closer to him, safer. His skin burned where it had been touched. His eyes flickered to Levi's hunched over form where he was intent on getting the second one undone. As the man straightened he avoided eye contact with Eren. His dark, passive eyes brushed quickly over the tray and then back towards the door. Giving a vague nod, he curtly shuffled to just outside the door. 

"Give me a shout if you need anything. If not, thanks to our little talking interlude here, I'm running late." 

Eren's muscles were clenched. Every single muscle in his body, clamped like vices. It felt like they were protesting the corporals past proximity, protesting the ghost of his presence that Eren felt drifting next to him.

He took the food and ate it gladly. His mind played over the brief conversation. That was all he was going to have until his next meal. Levi was interesting. Pretty funny, which was surprising considering his reputation for being a hardass about just about everything from cleanliness to the way he held his cups. It was just as odd that Eren found himself curious about him in a way that he hadn't been about anyone for a long while.

He had his friends, and he had had relationships before. He wasn't sure what this interest was, but it was rooted in something like admiration. His idol hadn't been what he expected- though he wasn't really sure he had thought through is imagined Levi enough to know what he expected- he was harsher, with rougher edges than the blurry pictures he remembered from childhood. But the commander didn't seem like the kind of person who wanted to have his edges sanded down for any one. He was sharp and those couldn't deal with it, Eren got the impression, didn't last very long in the Survey Corps either way.

He had seen people who fought for the this particular branch before. The ones who hadn't gone into the field were nervous and confident. The ones who had were quiet, normally. They carried this haunted look in their eyes that left you feeling oddly slimy after seeing, like you were getting a glimpse into something far more personal than you expected. They were worn smooth with experience and pain, but also raw. Levi had all of that rawness and kept the confidence.

Could he still admire his childhood hero? Not as he had before. Of course he knew that he wasn't going to be perfect- his mouth had basically confirmed that so far- but he was someone Eren could see himself looking up to. Not idolizing this time. Levi was a real person, and he would do well to remember it. 

The food smelled delicious. Seriously, if Eren didn't get his hands on it soon he was going to implode. He sniffed quickly before reaching over and going straight for the oatmeal. It was the most appetizing thing on the tray and he was feeling oddly affectionate towards something he'd had for breakfast almost every day of his life.

He dug in. Or rather, he would have, if he hadn't in his haste managed to knock the oatmeal off the tray with his wrist and send it flying directly down onto his shirt. The boy swore before looking for something to wipe it up with. Where was he going to get another shirt, besides the fact that he had just wasted what was going to be good food? He hadn't even gotten a chance to taste it. Eren frowned. He'd be damned if he didn't get to taste his oatmeal. 

He swiped a finger through the mess on his shirt and brought it up to his mouth- it was heavy and sugar-sweet. Where were they getting sugar? That shit was expensive. Then and there he decided that there was no way he was going to let it go to waste; he was going to eat this goddamn oatmeal if it was off of a plate or a shirt- what did it matter? 

Unfortunately, after he had downed the now rather cold meal, he was left with an increasingly uncomfortable wet spot sponged across the front of his shirt. He groaned. "Ugh." There was only one thing he could do. "Levi?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, guys! Kudos and reviews especially are super appreciated!


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